I think it’s only fitting that my first post be a brief update about how life has been as a mommy.
As most of you know, becoming pregnant was one of the most surprising, unexpected events I have ever come across… I spent a great deal of my 9 months of pregnancy filled with anxiety about what type of a mother I would be… worried that I am too young, too inexperienced, and still recovering from the loss of my own mother to be one myself… How on Earth can God entrust another human life into my hands?
Joshua has turned out to be the biggest blessing for my life and my marriage. The second I heard him cry in the operating room, I wept with tears of joy. He is the most precious gift that God has given me and I feel eternally blessed that God chose me out of all the women in the world to be Joshua’s mother.
So with that… Here are five things I’ve learned since being a mom:
1. Motherhood is a ministry. I spent months dreading the idea of being a stay at home mom (even though I return to school next Fall). I felt (subconsciously of course) that I had to be out of the house, doing “more significant” work for God’s kingdom… but I quickly realized that a big part of Jesus’s ministry was teaching his disciples first hand what the love and grace of God looks like. What an awesome realization that God has entrusted this precious little soul into my hands to seek to influence for his kingdom. I continually pray for Joshua and hope that I can instill a sense of God’s love & peace in him each day. God has opened up my eyes to what a huge blessing and responsibility motherhood is. I am embracing more and more the ministry of motherhood everyday.
2. Getting through the first month of motherhood is a huge accomplishment. Well… at least it was for me. The first month I got 2-3 hours of sleep a night on average. Many people told me to sleep when the baby slept during the day… I’m pretty sure I didn’t. I was so exhausted and had an extremely short fuse. I was easily angered and emotional. So many new moms and seasoned moms reminded me to have grace on myself the first month of motherhood and I am so glad they did. Taking care of a newborn is no joke!
3. I love seeing Nick be a dad. I recall many different people letting me know that I have to work extra hard to make marriage “romantic” once the baby comes… which I guess may be true in some regards… But mostly, I felt my heart totally melt as I watched Nick become a father. There is nothing more attractive and beautiful than seeing the way Nick loves and cares for Joshua. I love seeing the way he plays with him, talks to him, naps with him, loves on him… My love for Nick has grown so much.
4. There’s a lot of sacrifice involved in parenting. It’s cool to learn about sacrificial love this way. Really it is.. I have never had to completely warp my life around like this: postponing grad school, turning down more than several fun events, lose sleep, energy and time so that I can take care of my baby. It’s truly a laying down of one’s own desires. But it is absolutely worth it.
5. Being a new mom can be lonely. I think I’ve been expressing this to most people I know. I’m an extrovert. I absolutely love to be around people. But when I’ve had close to no sleep, it takes way too much energy to hangout with people for more than an hour. So for the first month and a half, I felt quite the surge of loneliness and it was really tough… and the more I talk to moms, the more I learn that motherhood and loneliness may be a two things that go hand in hand every once in a while… Especially for new moms, and in my opinion, for young moms. Although we have the energy and capacity to go out and do what we like due to our youth, we are also fairly alone in our age group. I am the first amongst all of my friends to have a baby and nearly every moms group I’ve joined, I am the only woman in her 20’s. It’s hard to be the guinea pig for this category and also hard to not have any pre-existing mommy friends. But I’m slowly meeting new moms and making new friends 🙂