On Change & Redemption

Since Easter just happened, I think I will write on the topic that’s most significant and purposeful regarding this holiday: Redemption.

If you had told me two years ago that my life would look like this today, I would have said you were crazy.

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These pictures were taken exactly two years apart: Easter 2013 & Easter 2015. And although Nick and I have two beaming smiles on our faces on the left, we were actually engulfed in a mess of pain, exhaustion, and brokenness. And little did we know that only a few weeks after this picture was taken, we would become pregnant with a little baby boy.

If you had asked me, at the time, where I thought I would be in two years, I would have never guessed that our family of 2 would actually become a family of 3. I could not have imagined that, in light of such a change, we would actually feel more joy and freedom… guess God really does know infinitely more than I do.

The first year of our marriage was spent figuring things out (to say the least). I would ask myself: Will we ever figure out how to communicate well? Will we each have the time and capacity to work through our personal baggage? Who knew each of us had so much baggage? Is this what the rest of our lives will look like?

Sometimes I wonder how I’m capable of writing about our marriage in the “early stage” as if it were ten years ago. How is it that we are only two years out from that time? Well…. the most definitive and concise answer I can think of is this: God’s redemption.

What’s changed since year one?

I used to say: “I deserve more than this!” (old, selfish me)
Now I say: “I have been given beyond what I deserve.”

I used to say: “God, how can you allow us to conceive a child at this time?!”
Now I say: “God, thank you for blessing us with a child!”

I used to say: “Doesn’t God want me to happy??”
Now I say: “God wants me to be whole.”

I used to say: “Excuse me, hubby… What’s in it for me?”
Now I say: “Hey hubby… How can I serve you?”

I used to say: “I know what’s best for me.”
Now I say: “God knows what’s best for me.”

I used to think it was absolutely bananas that God would allow us to have a child during such a rough time… and then I remembered that one time, long ago in history, God sent a baby to save the world. (That was Jesus, by the way 🙂 )

God is in the business of redemption. He cares about restoration and knows exactly what I need in order to be made whole. Although it seemed ill fitting to me (& to most people) for us to have a baby, it ended up being God’s biggest tool in healing my soul, my marriage and to my relationship with Him.

What I know now: Nothing is past redemption. Nothing it outside the reach of God’s healing hand. This is what I choose to remember on Easter and through the resurrection of Jesus.

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